I wish my penis had an off switch
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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