I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
