my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
