I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
