I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
