Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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