After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
