You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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