AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
NoShamevember. You game?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
