Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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