did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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