this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just found puke in my bra..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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