can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
