I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
