made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
