I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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