he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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