textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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