I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
