i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
