Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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