and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
