Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
