he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
