Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
