woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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