a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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