yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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