Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
