I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
