I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
