I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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