I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
