I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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