i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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