haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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