Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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