This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
