You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
