I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
