East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His nipple licking is glorious
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