god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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