i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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