She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
