Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
