now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
