i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
