I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
