Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
