I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
