Welp...herpes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
