theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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