Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
