took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
