Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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