Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
