Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
