I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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