where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
