Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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