i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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