The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
