I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
