i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
