I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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