I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
