I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
