he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
