note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
